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Marriage Tune-Up

I have often said that I don’t believe that couples can survive the temptation and epidemic of divorce without a regular marriage “check-up” where they can have their emotional oil changed and a third party can go over their marital engine to ensure that it is running properly. I believelouisville marriage counseling that one hour of tough conversation is worth a lifetime of better days. For those of you wondering, it is not truly how well you get along that tells the tale, it is how well you manage disappointment that matters. Disappointment can set in within marriage sometimes as soon as you walk back down the aisle to your new life together.

So what do I need to ask myself? How do I know if I need to come in? The answer is simple. You probably need to come in. Here are just a couple of reasons that people come to marriage counseling.

Sex

I have a joke that I tell regarding sex which is that women know when they are going to have sex and men have no idea. The arguments that are generated in the intimacy arena involve frequency, style, lack of connection, desire, pain, abuse-related impacts, and many others. Marriage and family therapists are uniquely qualified to discussing these issues and creating a plan to have a more vibrant intimate life.

Money

It seems like the spender often marries the saver, and therein lies the problem. Many couples live without a budget or plan for their money and how it is spent and often there is a lack of consensus on how funds are allocated and distributed. In a few sessions you could have a budget and a unified spending/saving plan that will be embraced by both of you and lower the stress associated with money or the lack of it.

In-laws/Family/Blended Family Issues

One of my mentors used to say that if you are going to be a good marriage and family therapist, you have to leave home, and very few people do it. I may not have understood what he meant when he said it then, but I do now. Family members can be your biggest supporters and your most challenging relationships for one reason or another. And leaving home is essential to understanding the complexities of how other families are organized and navigate their life. My home growing up may have nothing to do with how your home is. Managing the personalities and behaviors of extended family can give anyone a run for their money. Also, because divorce rates are so high, many people are currently in their second or third marriage and have ex-spouses, stepchildren, and other family members that are a part of their past and present life. The antidote to family interference is a unified front with regard to how you engage these family members, but the discussion has to be had in order to create a plan and present that unified front.

The underlying issue in each of these different areas is communication. Learning how to communicate effectively can lead to better connection, more effective conflict resolution, and an overall more thriving marriage. Email me if you have questions or schedule your appointment today if you are interested in beginning a therapeutic journey to have your marital engine tuned up!

 

This post was written by Mark Parrish.  If you would like to schedule an appointment for marriage counseling at The InnerView, please visit our contact us page.